anam cara

nauseated

i wish that was a line from a song or something... i really hate having a nervous stomach, have test-taking anxiety, and being a hypochondriac. i just turned in my essay, so that means that i just have one more final left. it's from 4-7 which is good, because i haven't studied yet. i tried to yesterday at Border's with my friend, but i got bored and started doing a puzzle book with cryptograms and i actually solved one! that was really fun actually. but then i got back to my dorm around 8-ish and decided to finish cleaning my room so i wouldn't have to worry about it today. i vacuumed, dusted (that wasn't good for my allergies), finished packing, took the garbage out, etc. i have everything packed now except for my bedding and TV/VCR/DVD player. oh, and my fan, cause it's Santa Cruz and i need air. just when i finished cleaning and decided to study, my little finger on my right hand started feeling weird. it feels almost numb or asleep but not quite. more like if you put something like Icy Hot or Tiger Balm on it. so, being the hypochondriac i am, i had no idea what it was (it didn't hurt, it just felt weird) but i couldn't stop thinking about it. i tried going to sleep because i knew i wasn't going to be able to study but i kept feeling my finger. i even started crying and threw up a couple times because i worked myself up so much. i think i finally fell asleep around 4 in the morning or something, but i woke up around 6:30 AM and i had to turn in my paper around 8:30 AM. my finger stills feels funny. it seems to be moving fine and works. it hasn't changed color or done anything like that. i wonder if i've pinched a nerve? i do that all the time on my left arm, but i don't think i have before on the right. i really just want this day to be over so my mom can pick me up and i can go home. where i can see a doctor if i have to ;) i was also supposed to sleep over a friend's house on Friday, after the free food, but if my finger still feels the same, i can't. i have a hard enough time sleeping when i'm at someone else's house- i become super-aware of my body and anything that can be wrong or just seems a little off- and i won't get any sleep with this. anyhoo... i've really got to start studying for this last final. the problem is i just don't give a damn anymore. but i don't want to fail either. sometimes i really hate my brain.