anam cara

Feeling a little off today. One of those days where everything sort of hits you at once. Also, the friend who's getting married went dress shopping and such today with friends and family. Didn't say a single thing about it to me. I love how she gets on my ass about not reaching out (which I have been trying to get better at) but she seems to make no effort at all. I heard about all this through a mutual friend and Facebook. We used to be best friends. I know we've grown apart over the years but I wish she would either make an effort or stop pretending. We wouldn't be friends if we had just met. All we have in common is the past. The problem is, I don't know how much I really care. I don't like talking on the phone in general, but with her, she'll tell you everything in her life but if you try to talk about your problems, she can't be arsed to care. I'm so sorry my pathetic life of being unemployed and taking care of my mom isn't exciting for you and your perfect fairy tale you're living in. I have become something of a recluse (bordering on hikikomori) lately, and sometimes I need a little push. But if you want me to, I can try to make the effort. And I know we're all old enough to have our own lives and problems. I'm not expecting it to be like it was when we were still in school. Not like it would matter. The thought of being alone with her just makes me nervous. We'd have nothing to talk about and I hate small talk. I'm thankful for the few friends I do have and the time I spend with them. I just... don't care and still care quite a bit about this friendship. I've known her for what? 16 years. Since 3rd grade. It sucks thinking that it could be over.

Lately I feel like it's just my immediate family (mom, brother, grandma) and me. I barely even see or talk to my sister, dad, and stepmom. With my mom hurt, me unemployed, and my brother and me taking care of our grandma every day... I'm just having a low day is all. A poor/woe is me day.

I did make blueberry muffins from scratch today, using this recipe. They are yummy! I ate like 6 of them so far. I love baking/cooking. I find it relaxing.

And I just 'ordered' a $50 check using some of my credit card points. I think I'm going to buy myself this Starfleet sweatshirt.

Even though I haven't even posted yet...
ETA: Sometimes the universe answers your call. Another friend just messaged me on FB asking if I wanted to get breakfast and hang out tomorrow. I feel like a dick for complaining when I do really have some great friends.

This is my friend's daughter, Sophia. Not my Goddaughter, but the other one. You guys. I can't handle the cute. I'm going to have to steal her and raise her as my own ;)



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PS YES I AM COUNTING DOWN THE DAYS. WANNA FIGHT ABOUT IT?!

Work was a sucky thing today. Might have thrown a little bitch-fit. Not in front of anyone exactly, but it's getting harder and harder to fake happiness there.

RL is also kind of sucking like a sucking thing right now. *le sigh* Some of it is at least partly my fault, but I just don't know how to stop. I'm having some trouble with depression lately and I find I'm losing interest in most things. Including my friends. I just don't feel connected to anyone any more. I hung out with a friend yesterday and had to fake smiles and laughs. I just didn't want to be there. Conversation was a struggle for me. My sleep/work schedule isn't helping matters. At all. And the fact that my birthday is in a week and a day is just making things worse. Haven't really been speaking to friends (no time or energy, and really, nothing to say) and now feel even worse about being alone. Aaaaand I've been eating such shite lately that I think it's really making me ill.

I'm trying really REALLY hard not to read/see any Doctor Who spoilers. While I'd love to squee and such with fandom, I want to be surprised. I want to keep the magic alive. I want to experience it for the first time when it airs as a completed thing.

Still more than a little in love with Sherlock. Spend all my time online reading fanfic like I haven't done in ages. Fanfic, fanvids, picspams, etc. Lovin' it.

PS I won 1st place in the header contest at sherlockland!

Bad:

I was supposed to go to breakfast with my friend tomorrow, but she can't make it. And my other friends are either working or live too far away. Stupid friends with stupid lives, SOs, and/or babies ;) I guess I'll just spend the next two days watching movies in bed. Not a bad way to spend my days off, but it's nice to see your friends every now and then.

Good:

New Merlin.

Instead of having to pay for a taxi to take me home from work, I got picked up by my mom and her high school friend and we all went for dinner.

Also, coming home and reading this on my sister's Facebook <3

SocialInterview.com asked me "If you had to defend your hometown against invading zombies, what would be your weapon of choice?"
I answered: "i would get my sister b/c she has a book on how to defend yourself from zombies xD"

And a meme from a bunch of my flist:

The problem with LJ: we all think we are so close, but really, we know nothing about each other. So ask me something you want to know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about. Ask away. Then post this in your LJ and find out what people don't know about you.

Not by blood, but I've known the mother for about 16 years. Which totally counts :P

♥♥ NATASHA ANDREA (PEREZ) TORRES ♥♥
7 lbs 10oz and born at 4:12 am, I believe.


When I saw Natasha, I started tearing up. I've known Renata, the mother, since 3rd grade. I still can't believe she's a mother and that this little life is her child.

My mom picked me up after work and drove me to the hospital to see them. (My mom had actually gone to see her and bring balloons on her lunch break.) Our other friend, Lexis, was there too. Her and Nata have known each other since like kindergarten. We've been BFFs since forever, it feels like.

We stayed until after visiting hours were over and they were about to kick us out. We just sat around talking and watching telenovelas on the TV. It's rare these days for all three of us to get together at the same time, so it was nice to be all together again. We're going to go see her again tomorrow (after Lexis drags me to see Orphan).

Natasha is so adorable and precious. I can't wait until I can babysit and spoil her rotten :D