Feeling a little off today. One of those days where everything sort of hits you at once. Also, the friend who's getting married went dress shopping and such today with friends and family. Didn't say a single thing about it to me. I love how she gets on my ass about not reaching out (which I have been trying to get better at) but she seems to make no effort at all. I heard about all this through a mutual friend and Facebook. We used to be best friends. I know we've grown apart over the years but I wish she would either make an effort or stop pretending. We wouldn't be friends if we had just met. All we have in common is the past. The problem is, I don't know how much I really care. I don't like talking on the phone in general, but with her, she'll tell you everything in her life but if you try to talk about your problems, she can't be arsed to care. I'm so sorry my pathetic life of being unemployed and taking care of my mom isn't exciting for you and your perfect fairy tale you're living in. I have become something of a recluse (bordering on hikikomori) lately, and sometimes I need a little push. But if you want me to, I can try to make the effort. And I know we're all old enough to have our own lives and problems. I'm not expecting it to be like it was when we were still in school. Not like it would matter. The thought of being alone with her just makes me nervous. We'd have nothing to talk about and I hate small talk. I'm thankful for the few friends I do have and the time I spend with them. I just... don't care and still care quite a bit about this friendship. I've known her for what? 16 years. Since 3rd grade. It sucks thinking that it could be over.

Lately I feel like it's just my immediate family (mom, brother, grandma) and me. I barely even see or talk to my sister, dad, and stepmom. With my mom hurt, me unemployed, and my brother and me taking care of our grandma every day... I'm just having a low day is all. A poor/woe is me day.

I did make blueberry muffins from scratch today, using this recipe. They are yummy! I ate like 6 of them so far. I love baking/cooking. I find it relaxing.

And I just 'ordered' a $50 check using some of my credit card points. I think I'm going to buy myself this Starfleet sweatshirt.

Even though I haven't even posted yet...
ETA: Sometimes the universe answers your call. Another friend just messaged me on FB asking if I wanted to get breakfast and hang out tomorrow. I feel like a dick for complaining when I do really have some great friends.

This is my friend's daughter, Sophia. Not my Goddaughter, but the other one. You guys. I can't handle the cute. I'm going to have to steal her and raise her as my own ;)



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PS YES I AM COUNTING DOWN THE DAYS. WANNA FIGHT ABOUT IT?!

Work was a sucky thing today. Might have thrown a little bitch-fit. Not in front of anyone exactly, but it's getting harder and harder to fake happiness there.

RL is also kind of sucking like a sucking thing right now. *le sigh* Some of it is at least partly my fault, but I just don't know how to stop. I'm having some trouble with depression lately and I find I'm losing interest in most things. Including my friends. I just don't feel connected to anyone any more. I hung out with a friend yesterday and had to fake smiles and laughs. I just didn't want to be there. Conversation was a struggle for me. My sleep/work schedule isn't helping matters. At all. And the fact that my birthday is in a week and a day is just making things worse. Haven't really been speaking to friends (no time or energy, and really, nothing to say) and now feel even worse about being alone. Aaaaand I've been eating such shite lately that I think it's really making me ill.

I'm trying really REALLY hard not to read/see any Doctor Who spoilers. While I'd love to squee and such with fandom, I want to be surprised. I want to keep the magic alive. I want to experience it for the first time when it airs as a completed thing.

Still more than a little in love with Sherlock. Spend all my time online reading fanfic like I haven't done in ages. Fanfic, fanvids, picspams, etc. Lovin' it.

PS I won 1st place in the header contest at sherlockland!

Bad:

I was supposed to go to breakfast with my friend tomorrow, but she can't make it. And my other friends are either working or live too far away. Stupid friends with stupid lives, SOs, and/or babies ;) I guess I'll just spend the next two days watching movies in bed. Not a bad way to spend my days off, but it's nice to see your friends every now and then.

Good:

New Merlin.

Instead of having to pay for a taxi to take me home from work, I got picked up by my mom and her high school friend and we all went for dinner.

Also, coming home and reading this on my sister's Facebook <3

SocialInterview.com asked me "If you had to defend your hometown against invading zombies, what would be your weapon of choice?"
I answered: "i would get my sister b/c she has a book on how to defend yourself from zombies xD"

And a meme from a bunch of my flist:

The problem with LJ: we all think we are so close, but really, we know nothing about each other. So ask me something you want to know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about. Ask away. Then post this in your LJ and find out what people don't know about you.

Not by blood, but I've known the mother for about 16 years. Which totally counts :P

♥♥ NATASHA ANDREA (PEREZ) TORRES ♥♥
7 lbs 10oz and born at 4:12 am, I believe.


When I saw Natasha, I started tearing up. I've known Renata, the mother, since 3rd grade. I still can't believe she's a mother and that this little life is her child.

My mom picked me up after work and drove me to the hospital to see them. (My mom had actually gone to see her and bring balloons on her lunch break.) Our other friend, Lexis, was there too. Her and Nata have known each other since like kindergarten. We've been BFFs since forever, it feels like.

We stayed until after visiting hours were over and they were about to kick us out. We just sat around talking and watching telenovelas on the TV. It's rare these days for all three of us to get together at the same time, so it was nice to be all together again. We're going to go see her again tomorrow (after Lexis drags me to see Orphan).

Natasha is so adorable and precious. I can't wait until I can babysit and spoil her rotten :D

I made better-for-you quiche from my Cook Yourself Thin cookbook tonight. It had shredded potato instead of a pastry crust, mushrooms, onion, spinach, and a little bit of cheese. Since I'm off for 2 more weeks, I might as well do something constructive. So I've decided to start cooking. Real meals.

Yesterday I spent the night at a friend's house. We went out for Vietnamese, made a fruit salad for desert (with attempted crepes), and watched bad movies. I mean BAD movies. The first was Transmorphers and was quite possibly the worst movie ever made. And I'm including Planet Raptor in that list. The second was Tokyo Gore Police. That was... wow. I don't really have words for what that was. I'm not used to gore movies (even if they do look totally fake). We did have a lot of fun mocking the hell out of them though.

Tomorrow I have my post-op appointment with my surgeon. Hopefully everything looks normal and healing. I have no idea what anything is supposed to look like. I'm in practically no pain though. Some itchy where the cuts are healing and a bit of soreness when I bend down. But I'm not taking even ibuprofen anymore, so that's got to be a good sign, yes?

HOLY CRAP, TORCHWOOD. I just watched the first episode of 'Children of Earth' and can I just say - IS IT TOMORROW YET?

( I do have a question though )

Last night I couldn't sleep. I finally fell asleep around 3am. Only to have my grandma wake me up at 8 :/

I have today and tomorrow off so my mom and I went to Japantown this morning. Got my usual magazines and some food. I got my boss into melon-flavored bread, so she wanted me to get some for her. I also got some snacks for this Thursday when my friend is coming up from San Diego to watch Star Trek with me.

Then I went to the mall so I could deposit my checks, buy Mother's Day and birthday cards, and get some new bras. Ugh. I spent so much today. And I lent my mom quite a bit so she could pay a credit card bill and rent this month. But the bras at least were on sale and I combined my stuff with my friend's so we could use her coupon. So instead of buy one, get one half off, it turned into buy one, get one free. Not too shabby.

While bra shopping in Lane Bryant, I randomly bumped into my friend! We end up trying on some clothes and then going out to eat. That was a nice surprise. It was also nice to hear her say I've lost quite a bit of weight. Granted, not eating will do that to a person. But hopefully soon I'll have this whole stomach/gallbladder thing sorted out.

Anyhoo... I ♥ dorky!Toma


(c)tomacat@baidu

( Three more under cut )

The wedding was beautiful!

I didn't trip or anything ;)

I slept over my friend's house on Friday so I could help with last minute things. We didn't go to bed until about 1:30am and we woke up at 7:30 so we could make breakfast for the bridal party. The makeup guy came at 9 and the bridesmaids quickly began showing up, getting dressed, and doing hair. At about 1:30pm, the bus showed up. Twenty of us piled in and began our 4 hour 'tour' of the city. We drove around to several locations, got out, and took pictures. Even though it was overcast and drizzled a bit, it never full-on rained. I can't wait to see the pictures. They looked lovely ^_^ They came at a price though. We were all freezing and the bottom of the longer dresses (including the bride's) got wet and slighty muddy. Totally worth it though. Even if my heel did get stuck in the mud a few times.

The only 'bad' thing about being a bridesmaid (or in my case, the maid of honor) is that you watch the ceremony from behind the bride. I'm glad they were filming everything because I didn't really get to see everything. Other than that, it was lovely. They wrote their own vows and it was just... I love love <3

And the best man, whom (is whom correct?) I had to walk down the isle with, wasn't bad looking either ;)

The reception was a lot of fun too. There were some great speeches that made me tear up. We had a photo booth with crazy props like hats and feather boas. I got to see some of my high school friends who now live in New York. I actually danced. Each table was numbered and each table also had cards to write down your predictions for where the couple will be in ___ number of years. I was at table 5, so our cards said 'In 5 years, Kate and Brian will...' They had a Frank Sinatra impersonator. My table somehow got on the subject of blue penises and werevaginas (like werewolves but giant vaginas). Don't ask.

And now they're spending the next couple of days in Monterey. I, however, have work this afternoon :P

Things are now starting to feel a lot more real.

In the mail today - my university diploma (finally!) and the (official) invitation to my friend's wedding ♥

I just installed PSP on my brother's computer! I don't know about my Muse, but at least if the mood strikes again, I can make icons or whatever. It feels like forever since I've done anything. Which reminds me - I have a new Autumn icon. It comes from this scan from the Junjou Romantica artbook.



For my birthday, my brother ordered me Stargate (the movie) on Blu-Ray. It should be here by Friday. It just arrived. I can only watch it in his room right now because he has a hi-def TV and a PS3, but still. I can't wait to see the 'gate open for the first time in HD. I'll probably try to touch it ;)

Tonight, I'm going to dinner at Chevy's with a couple friends, and then I watch Supernatural.

And now that I have all my pictures on this computer, I should be finally be getting my Eurotrip pictures online.

PS It's supposed to rain tomorrow and Saturday!! God, I hope so. Also, my mom and I are going to see How to Lose Friends & Alienate People tomorrow ^_^