Ugh

Apr. 6th, 2011 08:57 pm
spacemonkeyluvn: (Default)
Work was okay. I'm too tired to even talk about it though. I started getting a headache right around the time I was supposed to leave so that kind of sucked but at least I didn't have it all day. I'm not feeling very well though. Something is wrong with my body again. And between that and LJ still being fucked up, I'm just more stressed and depressed than before. I went from being in a good mood to worrying about what should be my happy place. I'm in the queue to have my LJ imported to Dreamwidth and instead of relaxing, I'm going to start going through my memories and scrapbook and download/save what I can before I have to go to sleep. I hate that I even have to think like that, but LJ is more than just casual to me and I don't know what I'd do if I lost everything.

I still have 11 DW invites so if you need one, just let me know! PM me your email and I'll send one your way :) Also, if you have a Dreamwidth account, can you link it to me? Or just come find me there. I'm Spacemonkeyluvn over there as well. I'm also Spacemonkeyluvn over on Twitter. And Warpedinside over at Tumblr.
spacemonkeyluvn: (xtra:: Jang Geun Suk)
Today's been a bit of a hard day. )

In other news, I've been looking at some other places for baking schools/classes because a full tuition for the Art Institute is a little much. I mean, I'm sure they'd be much more thorough and maybe you'd have better chances with that behind you, but $33,000 is a little scary sounding. Especially since, while I love baking, I also loved archaeology and who knows what I'll end up doing and for how long. But I found a baking/pastry certificate at City College and it's non-credit. Which means it's FREE. I'm too late for the spring classes, but the summer schedule should be up on March 15th so I can see if it's available then. It'll be Mon-Fri 6-12pm which means 6am to noon and while that would kind of suck, at least I'd be out of the house and I'd have the rest of the afternoon free to work or whatever. I still need to do some serious thinking and planning, but the baking thing is sounding more and more plausible at least.

Also, I'm currently in love with/addicted to Jessie J. I've already posted one of her vids, 'Who You Are', but here are a few more (including that one again). Her first single is 'Do It Like a Dude' and she wrote 'Party in the USA' and based on that, you might wonder why I'm listening to her, LOL. But she seems like a genuinely nice person. She writes her own music and I love how passionate she is. She's always smiling while she sings. IDK, I just really admire that. Her music is also very inspiring and has really hit a chord with me. She also sounds great live/acoustic and I can't say that about too many artists these days. Anyways, she's my newest girlcrush and I can't wait for her CD to come out (~5 days in the UK and in the US we get it late April).



A few more vids/songs )

Before I forget, my picture for the day )
spacemonkeyluvn: (xtra:: Toothless & Hiccup)
Feeling a little off today. One of those days where everything sort of hits you at once. Also, the friend who's getting married went dress shopping and such today with friends and family. Didn't say a single thing about it to me. I love how she gets on my ass about not reaching out (which I have been trying to get better at) but she seems to make no effort at all. I heard about all this through a mutual friend and Facebook. We used to be best friends. I know we've grown apart over the years but I wish she would either make an effort or stop pretending. We wouldn't be friends if we had just met. All we have in common is the past. The problem is, I don't know how much I really care. I don't like talking on the phone in general, but with her, she'll tell you everything in her life but if you try to talk about your problems, she can't be arsed to care. I'm so sorry my pathetic life of being unemployed and taking care of my mom isn't exciting for you and your perfect fairy tale you're living in. I have become something of a recluse (bordering on hikikomori) lately, and sometimes I need a little push. But if you want me to, I can try to make the effort. And I know we're all old enough to have our own lives and problems. I'm not expecting it to be like it was when we were still in school. Not like it would matter. The thought of being alone with her just makes me nervous. We'd have nothing to talk about and I hate small talk. I'm thankful for the few friends I do have and the time I spend with them. I just... don't care and still care quite a bit about this friendship. I've known her for what? 16 years. Since 3rd grade. It sucks thinking that it could be over.

Lately I feel like it's just my immediate family (mom, brother, grandma) and me. I barely even see or talk to my sister, dad, and stepmom. With my mom hurt, me unemployed, and my brother and me taking care of our grandma every day... I'm just having a low day is all. A poor/woe is me day.

I did make blueberry muffins from scratch today, using this recipe. They are yummy! I ate like 6 of them so far. I love baking/cooking. I find it relaxing.

And I just 'ordered' a $50 check using some of my credit card points. I think I'm going to buy myself this Starfleet sweatshirt.

Even though I haven't even posted yet...
ETA: Sometimes the universe answers your call. Another friend just messaged me on FB asking if I wanted to get breakfast and hang out tomorrow. I feel like a dick for complaining when I do really have some great friends.
spacemonkeyluvn: (dw/holmes:: DO EPIC SHIT)
Today started out shitty. I had hoped to do something with my mother, but as I should have expected, it did not go as planned. I ended up crying and walking around the neighborhood a bit (listening to the DW soundtrack). Woe is me ;)

AND I was texting a coworker from my store today and she told me that the Co-Manager, my former 'boss', is talking shit about me to the other associates now that I'm gone. She's telling the new Assistant Manager that I didn't like her and that I was the 'weak link'. I just. If this is true, I don't know how to feel. On the one hand, I shouldn't care. I'm out of there. I'm done. But how unprofessional is that? I'll admit that once she started attacking me, I was less likely to give it 100%, but I made an effort. If not for her, for the store. I was there just short of 2 years. I've worked 6-day weeks and made sacrifices to help out. She barely knew me. And I hate to say it, but it does bother me that she would say that. That my former associates and friends are hearing this.

The only bright spot in my day was finding out that my Amazon package had been delivered:



I had NO IDEA we lowly Americans were also getting the holographic cover. Sa-weet!

More pictures of the DVDs )
spacemonkeyluvn: (tdf:: Bob)
Every time I want to post something happy, my mother does something that just makes me feel sick to my stomach. Cut so I don't have to see it )

Ugh. I hate how it seems like all I do lately is complain, especially about her.

I went to the doctor today. My stomach's been acting up and I just wanted to make sure everything is alright. It's probably my diet, but I have some pills and I'm going back in 2 weeks.

ANYWAY. There are many things making me happy right now. Mostly fandom-related, but I'll take what I can get.

Toma's been promoting the hell out of his new movie so he's appearing all over the place. Too quickly for the subbers to keep up, so I'm watching most of it raw. Which is interesting, lol. It's alright. I love his voice. I'd be happy listening to him read the phone book. Wouldn't understand a damn thing, but I'd have that shit on repeat. I'm not sure where I was originally going with this, so I'll move on. Though I must say, GODDAMMIT I WISH I WAS IN JAPAN RIGHT NOW! I don't know how long I'll have to wait to see his movie *pouts*

Ummm... in other news. I might be falling for Ryan Gosling all over again. Well, kind of. It feels more mature than before, LOL. I first crushed on him back in Breaker High. No, wait. Goosebumps and Are You Afraid of the Dark? were the first things I saw him in. Either way, he played a dork. Then he went all 'serious independent actor' and was nominated for an Oscar. He was finally free to be his weird-ass self. Oh, and then he was in The Notebook and suddenly everyone loved him. The point I'm getting to is that I knew he was a semi-musician, but I didn't know he was actually in a band that released a CD back in October. Their name is 'Dead Man's Bones' and they have songs such as "My Body is a Zombie for You" and "Flowers Grow Out of My Grave."

Dead Man's Bones



And here's their video for Dead Hearts. It's different. I love it. Am also slightly disturbed by it. )
spacemonkeyluvn: (jonas:: feel the music)
Cut for emo. Again. )

Ya know what? Screw that. Life's not all that bad knowing that these boys exist and are adorkable )

Also, via Twitter: @joejonas Congrats @NickJonas with #WhoIam Coming out today! You are talented,smart,dreamy.. I love you. I'm Proud of you.

♥♥♥♥♥♥ x infinity

White Collar is definitely a happy place right now. Peter/Elizabeth is one of my favorite canon couples and Peter/Neal is just precious beyond belief.

House was also good the other night. House and Wilson being on the same side was nice and the world could always use more Mr. Sprinkles.

And for the record, I'm feeling MUCH better by the time I'm posting this (~3 hours after I started). In fact, I almost want to delete the top part, but I'll leave it.

Okay, last postscript I swear. I got my preordered Nick Jonas CD today! Won't be able to properly listen to it until Friday, most likely, but I have it ;)
spacemonkeyluvn: (dn:: Ryuk)
Today, well technically yesterday now, was a really shitty day and left me hating retail, people in general, and myself more than a little bit. I just... argh. Not in a good place right now.

I love Halloween, but I'm not really feeling it this year. I have to work, but we can't dress up. Not that I really had anything planned, but still. And then this had to happen. I really wish I didn't have to work tomorrow so I could just crawl into bed and not have to worry about anything.

Anyway, this is a depressing entry and I don't want to make it any longer than I already have.

White Collar was good though and made me forget for at least an hour.
spacemonkeyluvn: (jonas:: joick hug exhibit A)
Just got some really bad work-related news today. My boss' boss, our DSM, was let go from the company today. He was a really great guy and now everyone is worried about their job. I've been better about spending money (I think), but I've really got to focus on saving now. Just in case.

I'm still coughing a lung out, so I made an appointment for Friday morning just to make sure my cold didn't/isn't turning into something worse.

My impending birthday has made me somewhat emo again. cut because it was annoying me )

In happier news, I think I'll get to see my friends at some point on my days off. At the very least, I'm doing nothing but watching TV/movies all day on my actual bday and on Saturday, my dad, stepmom, and sister are coming up to take me to Japantown for dinner. I asked for a new digital camera and 'Jonas Rockin' the House (Volume 1)' so should be interesting ;) I think I might also get my hair cut. I'm thinking maybe short bob again? I don't know.

In fandom-related news, I haven't watched Heroes yet. I'm scared *bites nails* I have all 2/3 eps on my computer though, just waiting for me to grow some balls. House has had some really good House/Wilson bits so far. FlashForward looks interesting enough to keep watching. I'm enjoying Merlin so far and even the inevitable Arthur/Gwen isn't bothering me too much. Psych is never not awesome (though I wouldn't mind if they toned down the Shawn/Juliet a little bit). Jonas continues to be a happy place. And I'm falling in love with Ikuta Toma all over again.

This segment of James Roday and Dulé Hill taking over Current is adorably funny (thanks to [livejournal.com profile] entwashian for sharing this gem).

And I think it might be time for another dose of cough medicine.
spacemonkeyluvn: (toma:: Japanese Jonas)
Woo! Another 12-hour day *eyeroll* And after staying up until 3/3:30am watching the Jonas Brothers movie. You think I'd learn my lesson, but you'd be wrong. I also had another bubble tea, so with all the sugar, caffeine, and lack of sleep, I was whacked out by the end of the day.

< random> I just went to IMDB site for the Jonas movie and you know what the plot keywords are? Brothers / Concert Film / Masturbation Scene / Neo Fascism / ...real keywords... / White Supremacy / Religious Propaganda / etc. LOLWUT? < /random>

Anyhoo, long day at work. Mom picks me up, has mood swing from hell and suddenly hates me / thinks I live a 'carefree life' and don't take any responsibility for my actions. Funny thing is that she is SUCH A VICTIM. She blames everyone else for all her problems. But of course, her main complaint about me is that I'm like her mother and I blame everyone for my problems. Um... no. I don't. She goes off about how I should live with my dad and nobody understands her pain and she hates her good-for-nothing children. It's the same tired shit I've been hearing for years. I could really get into why this is all (or at least mostly) false and how my mom is in need of some serious therapy (seriously - messed up childhood) but I don't have energy nor do I want to waste even more space on my journal than I already have. But let me say this - A couple years ago, this probably would have made me break down crying and send me back into a mild depression. It still annoys the crap out of me, but now I mostly just feel sorry for her. I can't imagine how hard it must be to really think the world is out to get you. I may be a lot of things, but I will never be someone who just complains about how everyone has DONE ME WRONG. That's not to say I won't ever be bitchy and annoyed or that I won't dwell on things. I will. But life has enough suck without adding your own.

That was longer than I wanted :/ Anyhoo, I prefer the William Shatner approach to life (with some minor adjustments):

Live life like you're gonna die. Because you're gonna.


Despite all that, I'm still in a pretty good mood. Part of that is definitely due to -

♥♥♥♥

♥♥♥♥

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